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Archive for the ‘parenthood’ Category

~ Written by Viki Rife

At 16 I graduated high school and got a job at a local hospital. One of my responsibilities involved making sure the radiologists had film cassettes loaded with new film.

One afternoon I got a call from a radiologist who was using the portable x-ray machine in the operating room. He needed more cassettes. I was to meet him in the scrub-room to deliver them.

When I walked into the room, my eye caught sight of the steel counter to the left. To my amazement, it contained five or six dead infants in various stages of development. I remember one had black wavy hair. My first thought was, “how could that many stillbirths occur in one day in our small town?” My teenage mind was horrified.

Just then, a nurse came out of the OR. She saw me staring over at the counter and frowned. “I don’t know why people can’t clean up after themselves,” she grumbled. She went over to the counter, grabbed a trash can, and with one quick move swept all the little bodies into it. Then she pulled out the bag and tied it shut.

I remember thinking, “How will the parents know which child is theirs when they’re ready to bury them?” My mind absolutely could not absorb the fact that the recent ruling of Roe vs. Wade had anything to do with it.

I hid the trauma deep inside and never told a soul.

But my heart was left very vulnerable when it comes to baby deaths. I grieve them with an intensity that has always seemed more than what the average person does. When my own granddaughter died in the womb the week before her due date, I was absolutely numb for two months. Something painful was stirring. It took me a while to figure out what it was. It was the memory of those beautiful dead babies.

Finally, as part of grieving my granddaughter, I allowed myself to examine the incident from so long ago and started processing the emotions that surround it. I was eventually able to share that operating room experience with my husband and a few trusted friends. They have been balm to my aching heart.

I thought I had worked through the trauma. Then last month a couple very close to me lost their baby at 25 weeks. The mother was induced, and I waited in the hallway while the baby was delivered. I saw the doctor leave the room, and a few minutes later a nurse came out carrying a tied trash bag.

The memory from that long-ago day hit like a fist to the stomach. I ran to the bathroom to throw up.

At that point I realized that my horror of living in a society that throws away its children is never going to go away. Thankfully, I soon was able to go into the room and see the baby in her father’s arms. She had not been in that bag. Her tiny body was being treated with dignity and respect by her grieving parents. And, in a strange way, I found the scene comforting. Parents should care that much about their child.

We cannot change our society, no matter what laws we pass. New York’s recent legalization of full-term abortion is only a symptom of our disease of devaluing human life. May God’s people go to our knees in prayer for our society, and may we reach out to help people see the God in whose image they’re made!

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~ Written by Viki Rife

I’ll never forget the day a fifteen-year-old girl who had started attending our youth group told me, “I need to find a boyfriend so I can get pregnant.” Hiding my surprise, I asked her why. Through tears she said, “Because I need a baby so I have someone to always love me.”

We may smile at her naïve perspective, but the truth is that as parents, we are very concerned about how our children feel toward us. It takes great emotional maturity to resist parenting based on the question, “How can I make sure my child likes me?” I call it “the foolish parenting question.”

Many, many parents in our society are living by that question. They can’t bear the thought that their child might be unhappy with them, so they knock themselves out to please the child. When the effort wears them out, they end up blowing up at the child for being so demanding. Then they feel guilty and the cycle begins all over again as they try to get back into their child’s good graces.

For those of us who understand that our children, like ourselves, were created to give God glory, the wise question to ask is, “How can I prepare my children to be God-honoring adults?” It changes the way we respond in every situation of their lives.

When something is hard for them, we will help them develop an attitude of perseverance instead of doing it for them. When others hurt their feelings, we will show them grace while using the opportunity to teach forgiveness and help them develop healthy conflict-resolution skills. When they mismanage their allowance, we will lovingly but firmly let them go without what they want so they know irresponsibility has consequences. With each new challenge, our thought should be, “How can I use this to prepare them to cope well with future problems? How can I show them that this is a way to bring glory to God?”

In the end, we find the parents who ask the wise question while rearing their children often end up with children who appreciate and like them. The ones who ask the foolish question many times have children who are demanding and contemptuous.

It is the wise parenting question that helps us “train up a child in the way he should go.” Our children are not created to make us feel good, although that may be a pleasant side effect. We must always be mindful that God put our children in our lives so we could teach them to give glory to Him.

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